New years eve.
I have been dealing with thi whole new years eve thing for many years.
What is the point? I mean it seems like another day to me, im not a year older. Its not like the day has any special meaning or reference to a moment in my life, like a birthday or something. But this years new years eve wasnt bad, the snow was awsome. I was a little out of it because of the medication for my teeth but I did get to talk to some people that I really care about and for the first time in a long tim felt close to a group of people that really hasn't happened since high school. Maybe I have been afraid to let go, move on, make it the past. I don't. But its working now, I guess I will just keep going and what happens happens. There really seems to be nothing I can do.
I finially got an Ipod that can hold all of my music and I love it. I find myself listening to music I have not listened to in forever. I love music. I find it weird how I can listen to a song that I have not listened to in at least 3 years and still have memories of that song. Relate a song to a person , to many people, to many fun times and I am glad I can to that I am glad music can do that for me.
I dont look at it as moving on because I dont think I am packing anything up and storing it in boxes and forgetting about it. Just going day by day, thats all I can do. And even though there are people I think about all the time that I do not see or talk to all the time or even talk to , who maybe never think about me there is nothing I can do. I care. Maybe sometime soon, or sometime a little later they will play a different role in my life than they are playing right now. Even if they don't I'll still think and care and remember.
Should I do more? Can I do more?
Sometime I don't think I did enough, but did you? There are things I wish I could apologize for. If I did now would I look like some crazy person who doesnt forget things and just needs to make that the past.
Is that why your not around anymore?
I am sorry.
I walked into the rec room at my dads and most of the pictures and posters were down and in a pile.
What went right/What went wrong/Doesn't really matter much/When it's gone
Was it too hard to try/Was it too hard to lie/Did you just grow tired of hello and goodbye/Was it the naked truth that made you run/Where do I go now/That I'm down to one
Sooner or later/We all end up walking alone/I'm down to one/My heart is a traitor/It led me/down this road/Now it's done/I'm down to one
I want to know where I failed/I want to know where I sinned/Cause I don't want to ever feel this way again/Was the wanting too deep/Did it block your sun/Where do I go now/That I'm down to one
What am I supposed to think/What am I gonna say/What did I ever know/About this love anyway