Potato (mrsp0tat0head) wrote,

  • Music:

Am I Tired?

Getting my teeth out over my break has left me out of it but it was the only time I had. So I have spent most of my time watching lots of movies and shows that I have wanted to see in so long and have not gotten a chance to see. This Christmas was different for me I would not call it bad but it was weird. Christmas has been weird since my parents split, family has died and people have moved but in general my family has tried to see each other and keep everything together but these past years with many family member getting older and even the kids getting older it seems as if it is harder or people dont care. Well I care, I miss being little and having both sides of my family together on christmas eve. Things change.

New years eve.
I have been dealing with thi whole new years eve thing for many years.
What is the point? I mean it seems like another day to me, im not a year older. Its not like the day has any special meaning or reference to a moment in my life, like a birthday or something. But this years new years eve wasnt bad, the snow was awsome. I was a little out of it because of the medication for my teeth but I did get to talk to some people that I really care about and for the first time in a long tim felt close to a group of people that really hasn't happened since high school. Maybe I have been afraid to let go, move on, make it the past. I don't. But its working now, I guess I will just keep going and what happens happens. There really seems to be nothing I can do.

I finially got an Ipod that can hold all of my music and I love it. I find myself listening to music I have not listened to in forever. I love music. I find it weird how I can listen to a song that I have not listened to in at least 3 years and still have memories of that song. Relate a song to a person , to many people, to many fun times and I am glad I can to that I am glad music can do that for me.

I dont look at it as moving on because I dont think I am packing anything up and storing it in boxes and forgetting about it. Just going day by day, thats all I can do. And even though there are people I think about all the time that I do not see or talk to all the time or even talk to , who maybe never think about me there is nothing I can do. I care. Maybe sometime soon, or sometime a little later they will play a different role in my life than they are playing right now. Even if they don't I'll still think and care and remember.

Should I do more? Can I do more?
Sometime I don't think I did enough, but did you? There are things I wish I could apologize for. If I did now would I look like some crazy person who doesnt forget things and just needs to make that the past.
Is that why your not around anymore?
I am sorry.

I walked into the rec room at my dads and most of the pictures and posters were down and in a pile.

What went right/What went wrong/Doesn't really matter much/When it's gone
Was it too hard to try/Was it too hard to lie/Did you just grow tired of hello and goodbye/Was it the naked truth that made you run/Where do I go now/That I'm down to one
Sooner or later/We all end up walking alone/I'm down to one/My heart is a traitor/It led me/down this road/Now it's done/I'm down to one
I want to know where I failed/I want to know where I sinned/Cause I don't want to ever feel this way again/Was the wanting too deep/Did it block your sun/Where do I go now/That I'm down to one
What am I supposed to think/What am I gonna say/What did I ever know/About this love anyway

Oh Melissa
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